I can understand. On Friday, I promised a cryptic for all y'all today, and, what do we have here instead but a garden-variety puzzle? Wait, let's check that, an easy, but still (insert positive adjective here) garden-variety puzzle. (Much better.) What gives Quigley? Are you being a coquette again? Well, let me explain.
I've been making crossword puzzles professionally for 13 years. I've since lost count how many of these things I've made. It's like "Watership Down." One. Two. Thee. Four. Lots. That's right. I've made lots numbers of crossword puzzles. (Anyone with time on their hands who wishes to figure out the exact number, be my guest.) And in that span of 13 years and lots number of crosswords, I've yet to make one cryptic. And since I have loads of experience making regular crosswords, I can now make one in the two to four hour range. Apparently, that amount of time isn't nearly enough for the cryptic. For comparison: when I first started out, the first crossword I ever made (incidentally sold to the New York Times, thank you) took me in the weeks plural range.
(Hey, wait a minute there, Quigley. If you can't count higher than four like Hazel and Fiver, how do you know you've been doing this for thirteen years? Haha! Gotcha!)
... Okay, point taken. But what I was trying to get across is that the cryptic is taking a little bit longer than I thought. Probably not weeks, though. It's actually finished, it just needs a little bit more massaging into shape. The moral: shut the fuck up, Quigley, and don't promise anything you can't deliver. And don't make tortured references to children's literature.
But, whatever. Might as well post this one, featuring one of my idols (srlsy). Enjoy it and share the puzzle folks! Once your done with the puzzle, and you posted your times, and gave me a piece of your mind in the comments, send it on to your acolytes.