CROSSWORD #230

ACROSS LITE PUZZLE: [ I'M BROKE] 
PROGRAM: [Across Lite]

PROGRAM: [Java]

PRINTOUT PUZZLE: [ I'M BROKE]
PROGRAM: [Adobe Acrobat]

Please do not miss what is easily one of my favorite puzzles I've made. Seriously, I don't like to puff my chest out, but you gotta do my latest Onion puzzle. Quit stalling and do it already: [Across Lite] [PDF]

In fact, I like the puzzle so much ... wait for it ... is that the "Behind the Puzzle" theme music? Why yes it is. Getcha popcorn, folks. Here comes the SPOILER ALERT. Now, let's get it on.

So the whole add/drop/change a letter is a tried-and-true crossword concept. Sometimes I think it's played out, but if you can find ways to actually make the morphing funny, it's a guaranteed winner.

Now, let's consider this whole Fat Finger thing. When I heard the dubious claim that the reason for the stock market collapse was due to somebody mistyping "billion" for "million," I called bullshit. I mean, dude would have to have not merely a fat finger, but rather a massive finger to skip over a whole other key to mistype that. Now, maybe he was using a Dvorak keyboard, which does have B and M abutting each other, I doubt that though. Also, he's in the stock market. Wouldn't they be more likely to, you know, use Arabic numbers instead of written out words? No matter how thin you slice it, it's still baloney.

So a shtick was born. Move two letters over to the right on a QWERTY keyboard, et voila! New phrases. Now, most of the time with the add/drop/change a letter theme, the punchline comes after the change. Hopefully, but we know that's not always the case. For every DUDE, WHERE'S MY CADAVER, there's a bajillion ones that go "pfft." So, I thought since all of the final answer were going to be in code, why not go for the most offensive base phrases that were available. It's the Onion right? How funny would that be to return the code to their base phrases and get shocked? Besides, what's too offensive for the Onion?

Interestingly, I found the answer to that question: a certain bodily function is verboten, as Ben removed said word from the fill in one corner. Granted, it wasn't in the Fat Finger code. Maybe I should have, but we all know EUEEF isn't a word.

A couple near misses that were considered, and the reasons they were rejected: {Greg Louganis?} cluing BUFF DIVER (the Fat Finger code went to the left instead of the right). {Overly-emphatic conclusion to a really terrible skit on Chuck Barris' show?} cluing DOUBLE GONG (not the first letter of the phrase morphed). Can you believe this is what I do for a living?

Anyway, just a small reminder, if you did enjoy the puzzles this week, please consider filling up the tip jar. This site runs on the pay what you like method. Whether you define "what you like" as "nothing" or "one million dollars," the puzzles keep coming. And as always, I will give away something from the BEQ Gift Shoppe to one randomly selected donor who contributes this week.

Share the puzzle. New one on Friday.